Parashat Shoftim: Radical Gratitude, August 18, 2015

This is a slightly adapted version of the words I shared at the 2015 Wexner Graduate Fellowship Summer Institute

Last week I went to see the magicians Penn and Teller. Besides the magic, there is one thing that stood out to me about the show. Before the last trick, they stopped everything and said, “The real trick is convincing you that it’s just the two of us that pull this off.” Then they listed everyone who helps them perform, from the people who take the tickets to the people who sweep the stage. How powerful it must be for those people to hear every night that they are the ones that make the magic happen. It got me thinking about the power of saying thank you. It’s something I think about a lot. Gratitude is my spiritual practice.

I probably don’t have to tell you about the scientific research on gratitude. We’ve all seen the nearly weekly news reports about studies that reveal that people who keep some kind of daily gratitude journal are happier, healthier, and more resilient . 

And I probably don’t have to tell you that a daily practice of gratitude is deeply Jewish. The first words a Jew utters upon waking are Modeh Ani l’fanecha – “I offer thanks before you.” Before we sit up, or put on our glasses, the lens through which we see the world is gratitude. Nearly one third of our daily prayers are on the theme of gratitude. Gratitude is part of our spiritual DNA. 

But what I want to talk about today takes this practice a step further. If you want to hear about strategies for ritualizing a daily gratitude practice, find me sometime this week. What I want to talk about here is how we might develop a pervasive sense of gratitude that could shape us as leaders and transform the organizations we serve. I’m calling it Radical Gratitude.

This week’s parasha contains the commandment that judges should not take bribes. The Talmud, in Ketubot, relates a story of Rabbi Amimar, who recused himself from a court case because one of the litigants had once wiped away a feather that had fallen on the rabbi’s shoulder. Rabbi Samuel did the same because a litigant had offered him his hand when crossing a rickety bridge. 

These small acts could hardly be described as bribes. Were these rabbis really so fallible that their judgement could be swayed by such tiny favors? One modern commentator, Rabbi Pam, suggests that this question misses the point. He proposes that the Rabbis lived with such a pervasive sense of gratitude in their lives that these small acts were big deals to them . Their approach to the world was one of Radical Gratitude, where every tiny interaction was an opportunity to see the face of God. 

Remember, these are the same rabbis who came up with the idea that a person should say 100 blessings a day. Think about that for a minute. In 16 waking hours, that’s a blessing about once every ten minutes. Can you imagine finding something to be grateful for every 10 minutes, something deserving a blessing? You’d be in a constant state of blessing.

Blessings are miracle highlighters. They help us notice hidden holiness. I was once an educator at a summer camp, and I did a unit with the youngest campers about blessings. I taught them that there are two blessings we can say when we see a miracle of nature, one for big miracles and one for small miracles. That summer, I invented a game for myself. When I would see something beautiful, I would ask, which blessing should I say here? Is that stunning sunset a big miracle? Is the way the rain makes patterns in the lake a small miracle? Soon I realized I was seeing things to bless everywhere. The practice of blessings opened my eyes to the abundant wonders around me. What if we could live in that state of wonder? How might it transform the way we interact with the world? How might it shape our leadership?

Gratitude helps us move from scarcity to abundance. People who live with scarcity feel like there is an insatiable hole in their lives, and nothing they do will ever fully fill it. People who live with abundance look around and say, “Look at all these blessings.” Pirke Avot says, “Who is rich? Those who rejoice in their own lot.” (Pirke Avot 4:1) It’s the same water glass, but we learn to focus on a different half. 

I worry that in many Jewish organizations there is a pervasive feeling of scarcity. There is never enough time, never enough money, never enough programs, enough volunteers. Our membership is declining, our staff is overworked. In scarcity, we can feel undervalued. No matter how much we give, they always need more. A recent Gallup poll found that 65 percent of Americans say they don’t feel appreciated at work.  Under-appreciation leads to low morale, decreased productivity, and high turnover. The culture of scarcity affects everyone, it feeds on itself. I imagine that there have been times when all of us have felt underappreciated for the work we do.

But what if we could transform our organizations into Radically Grateful organizations? What are the miracles we are missing? What gifts have we yet to bless? Personally, I think it’s a miracle that anyone comes at all. People have a choice in how they spend their time, and they are choosing to spend some of it with us. Many synagogues in which I have worked  some time griping that people do not come often enough. Would it change our work if we spent more time marveling at how much they do come? Instead of wondering who is missing, we would remind ourselves that the people who walk through our doors have gifts they are eager to share. Our organizations are overflowing with people who are eager to offer their expertise and energy, and we have to notice it if we want to harness it.

So how can we be Radically Grateful leaders of Radically Grateful organizations? How can we become like those rabbis who noticed every gift they were given? Some of this easy. We could say “thank you” more. Who are the people in our organizations who are not thanked enough? Whose work is invisible? Whose work has come to be expected, so that it is no longer celebrated? Do their contributions go unnoticed by the people who participate in our programs? Leaders who say thank you publically contribute to a culture of Radical Gratitude.

And we can find sacred ways to thank our volunteers. One volunteer engagement expert I know likes to remind me that this recognition must go beyond an annual “rubber chicken dinner” – thanks for your help, enjoy this plate of rubbery chicken and an hour of speeches. How can we continually recognize their contributions in ways that feel natural and central to the work of our organizations? Here, I think the Jewish technology of “blessing” may be helpful. Imagine if we found opportunities, from the bimah or in the newsletter, to say blessing about the work our volunteers do – to mention them by name and share their contributions publically. With blessings we elevate a culture of Radical Gratitude though sacred ritual. What would it mean for every program to end with a blessing for our volunteers?

And Radical Gratitude can change how we understand our work. How many times have we heard that dynamic organizations celebrate their failures, as well as their successes? But building a culture that celebrates failures as learning opportunities takes courage and work. A ritual of gratitude after a program helps us shift our focus from what failed to what blessings emerged. In my own life, I’ve seen how gratitude can help me shift my thinking. Every day, I make a list of 5 things for which I’m grateful. The days that it’s hard to get to 5 are also the days it is the most transformative. Living with Radical Gratitude asks us to wrestle with our failures until we can extract a blessing from them. 

 

I believe that Radical Gratitude is more than a life-hack. It is a fundamental overhaul of the way we see the world. It centers us on our blessings and calls our attention to the source of those blessings. In my life, gratitude is a pathway to God. 

I learned about Radical Gratitude from my mother. It was her life philosophy. Even in the darkness times, she found light through blessings. Some of you know that last fall my mother passed away after a prolonged battle with cancer. I want to share with you words she wrote just 3 months before she died, when her sickness was at its worst. This was her Torah. This is the transformational power of gratitude:

My gratitude journey began [nearly 20 years ago] when [my husband] Peter’s father Bob was dying of lung cancer. It was an unbelievably difficult time. Dinner became the complaining opportunity for all that was wrong in the world. I was worried and frustrated about what we were teaching [our son]. And then one day I happened to see a TV program on gratitude (OK it was Oprah, I admit it). With all that Oprah has, she takes time every day to write in her gratitude journal. She interviewed a breast cancer survivor who was grateful for getting dressed that day! I realized then and there that we were focusing on the wrong thing.

The power of gratitude would come to mean a lot to us as that very night we began each meal with what we were grateful for that day. This little act was transformational.  I looked forward to Josh and Peter’s gratitude. It was meaningful and helpful for my family. Somehow after gratitude, life didn’t seem that bad after all. And I continued to practice gratitude while I was ill, counting my blessings instead of sheep at night. I had so much to be grateful for. It gave me strength and I was content with my life even through the

Even in her absence, my mother continues to teach me. So to that end, let me say thank you. Thank you to all of you, for this opportunity to share the blessings of my life. Our lives are overflowing with blessings. May they never be hard to see.

 

For Further Reading:

Here are some great resources on building a culture of Radical Gratitude in your workplace: